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Extra English 16 (Uncle Nick) . 16

: Extra English 16 (Uncle Nick) . 16 .

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ANNIE
Mmm! Chocolate mousse! Mmm! Peanut butter! Mmm! Strawberry yogurt. Nice.

Sound of key rattling in lock

ANNIE
Ow!!

HECTOR
Ah! Ah! [ Assorted yodelling and clapping sounds]
Oh, oh, sorry Annie, exams, I forgot!
I wont make a sound.

ANNIE
Hmm.

Sound of crisp packet being opened/crunching noise

Tapping sound

HECTOR
Oh, sorry Annie

ANNIE
Hector! Stop!
Do not eat that apple!

HECTOR
Oh sorry.
You want it, Annie?

ANNIE
No, Hector! Its too noisy! I am trying to revise!
My exams are next week! Oooh!
I need some classical music.

Sound of soothing classical music in background

HECTOR
Sorry Annie, I I

Assorted scrubbing noises/crashing sound

HECTOR
Oh, oh, Annie! Help!
Help!

 

BRIDGET
Annie.
ANNIE!!

ANNIE
Oh!

BRIDGET
Why is Hector hanging out of the window?

ANNIE
Oh, poor Hector!

HECTOR
Aaah!

ANNIE
Oh! Oh Hector, are you OK?

HECTOR
Ah, yeah, the window is dirty

ANNIE
Well then its a job for a window cleaner, not you!

BRIDGET
Hey guys, look at these. Its pictures of my makeover!

HECTOR
What is a make-over?

ANNIE
Its, its when they use make up to turn this into this!
Just joking!
Bridget, theyre fantastic, you look like a film star!

BRIDGET
Cameron Diaz, watch out!

HECTOR
Hah, were you wearing lots of makeup?

BRIDGET
No.

ANNIE
Anyway, what are they for?

BRIDGET
Well Nick wants to be a Hollywood movie star and if he can do it, I can do it!

 

 

 

NICK
[Laughing]
Really?!
You are going to tell George Ducas about me.
What, the George Ducas, the Hollywood director?
Im going to tell him what a great actor I am.
Oh, Victoria, thank you so much!
How can I thank you?
Oh. Ha-ha.
Cant anyone else do it?
Yes! Of course I want you tell George about me! No problem. See you later.
Ciao.
Hah-huh!
That was my erm, friend, Victoria Yallop, the really good actress.

BRIDGET
Yes!
Shes a really good actress.
Ni-ck, dar-ling.

NICK
Well, guess what.

HECTOR, ANNIE and BRIDGET
Shes going to tell George Ducas, the Hollywood director all about you.

NICK
Yeah, how did you know?

HECTOR
Lucky guess!

BRIDGET
And what do you have to do for her?

NICK
Erm, er, nothing. She wants me to look after something for her. Ha-ha!

Sound of knocking on door

VICTORIA YALLOP
Oh, ha-ha-ha, Victoria Yallop.
Nick is expecting me!
Nick darling! This must be so much trouble for you!

NICK
No problem, no problem at all!

VICTORIA YALLOP
Sw-eet!
OK, three rules. No meat, clean underpants in the morning and in bed by eight.
Now meet where are you? Come here!

 

 

Sound of discordant music

VICTORIA YALLOP
Ah, ah-hah-hah.
Nick, meet Lucas.
Lucas, say hello to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

NICK
Hi.

Buzzing noise

NICK
Good joke!

Sound of laughing

VICTORIA YALLOP
Well I must dash.
George is waiting for me.
Dont worry Nick, Im going to tell him all about you!
Ha-ha - Lucas, be a good boy for Uncle Nicky-Wicky!
Ah dont tell me, Nightmare on Elm Street.
[Laughs] Goodbye darling, goodbye!

NICK
[Laughs nervously]

LUCAS
Im hungry.

BRIDGET
Nick, what is going on?

NICK
Ha, erm, Victorias au pair has run off with the postman! Aaagh!

BRIDGET
So?!

NICK
So, shes got no one to look after Lucas.

ANNIE
So, why cant she look after her own son?

NICK
Because shes going to meet George Ducas.

HECTOR
Where?

NICK
New York.

BRIDGET
New York?!!
NICK
Shell be back tomorrow!

ANNIE
Tomorrow?!

Sound of clicking from TV remote control

ANNIE
Hes very sweet, but what about my exams?

NICK
He wont be a problem.
You wont even notice him.

BRIDGET
Wed better not.! Ow!!

ANNIE [Composing email]
Mm, my exams are next week and Im trying to revise.

Sound of crisp packet being opened/crunching noise/tapping noise

ANNIE [Composing email]
But this place is so noisy.

ANNIE
Hector! Stop!

BRIDGET
I dont believe it! There is a seven-year-old boy staying with us. Its all Nicks fault!

VICTORIA YALLOP
Say hello to Uncle Nicky-Wicky!

BRIDGET
Ooh! I think theres trouble ahead.
Buzzing noise

BRIDGET
Ooh!

Sound of door being opened

BRIDGET
Annie, have you seen these?

ANNIE
You showed me earlier.

BRIDGET
No, look its that, that child! [Sound of discordant music]
Whats that noise?

ANNIE
Oh, Lucas is playing ball.

BRIDGET
Oh, is he?

Sound of discordant music

LUCAS
Oh, youve made me do that.

BRIDGET
Hes on my bike!

ANNIE
I know.
Just dont go in the bathroom.

Sound of discordant music

ANNIE
I said, dont go in the bathroom.
And I, I dont know what hes done with the toilet paper.

Charley make whimpering noise

ANNIE
Oh!
Oh poor Charley.

LUCAS
Im hungry.

ANNIE
Nick, where have you been?

NICK
Shopping for Lucas.

BRIDGET
Nick, you must take control of him.

NICK
Maybe Im trying!

ANNIE
Nick, Im trying to work, Im trying to revise for my exams Oh! Ooh!

Scraping noise

NICK
OK, OK, very nice, Lucas.
Maybe later?

HECTOR
I know, lets play games.

ANNIE
Oh, Ive got Twister.

LUCAS
Oh great.

ANNIE
Oh OK, boys versus girls.

Sound of accompanying music

HECTOR
So, Ill just move my left foot over to you whoa, it is stuck!

NICK
OK, Ill move my hand.
Oh-hey, I, I cant move.

BRIDGET
Nor can I!

ANNIE
Oh, whats happening?!

NICK
Lucas, what have you done?
Lucas, come here.
Lucas, come on, Lucas
Oh please

Scraping noise

NICK
Lucas, Lucas oh!!

NICK [Composing email]
The good news is that Victoria is going to tell the Hollywood director, George Ducas, all about me!

VICTORA
Im going to tell him all about you!

NICK [Composing email]
The bad news is: her seven-year-old son, Lucas, is staying with us.
Hes cute, but he is always hungry!

LUCAS
Im hungry.
Im hungry.

NICK [Composing email]
He likes playing tricks too.

BRIDGET [Composing email]
I knew Lucas would be trouble!
My bathroom is mess, he ruined my makeover photos and he plays the violin badly!

 

 

Sound of door slamming

ANNIE
Oh, hi Lucas.
Where have you been?

LUCAS
To the zoo.

ANNIE
Oh, wheres Nick?

LUCAS
He had to take the penguin back.

ANNIE
The penguin?

LUCAS
Yeah, it must have fallen into my bag.

ANNIE
Oh.

Sound of door slamming

HECTOR
What are you listening to?
I said, what are you listening to?

LUCAS
Dog

HECTOR
Oh, can I listen? [Sound of music getting louder]
Hey, this is good!

Screeching noise

ANNIE
Aaah!

LUCAS
So-rr-y!

ANNIE
Hector!

HECTOR
Lucas! Come here!
Lucas, why are you so [buzzing noise] ow!!
Hey, thats me!
Lucas, do you want to be like me? A news reporter?
Well, to be a good news reporter you have to do everything exactly as I do.

 

Jazz type music plays in background

HECTOR
All good news readers brush their teeth.

LUCAS
Check.

HECTOR
Comb their hair

LUCAS
Check.

HECTOR
And say goodnight.

LUCAS
Im hungry.
Check.
Goodnight.

HECTOR
Good night sugar plum. [Sound of kissing]

LUCAS
Yuck!

HECTOR
Havent you got a girlfriend, Lucas?

NICK
Oh, girls are wonderful, especially Bridget!

LUCAS
Girls are yuck, especially Bridget.

NICK
Yeah well anyway, time for bed.

LUCAS
Nick, thank you for a lovely day.

NICK
Well thats OK, little fellow.
Well have more fun tomorrow.
Night night.

Sound of discordant music

NICK
Hah, hah, sweet kid. Hah. Aah!
How does he do that?

 

 

Change in sound to Bridgets work out music/music stops abruptly

BRIDGET
Ive had enough of you, you, little grr-grr-grr!

Short sequence of music in/out

BRIDGET
Now, sweetie, that was very good!
But Auntie Bridget thinks you should stretch more like this!
Would you like a cup of tea?

Assorted noises in background

NICK
Ah-hah!

BRIDGET
Oh, hi Nick!
This is Joe, he was just telling me about window cleaning.

NICK
So I see!
So, you want my girlfriend do you? [Sound of discordant music] Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha!
Now, ha! Thanks, Lucas! Ha-ha.

BRIDGET
Nick, Joe, stop!

NICK
No, he started it!
Hah, aah.

ANNIE
Nick, what are you doing?!

JOE
Aaah!

HECTOR
Electric shocks!

LUCAS
Check!

NICK
How do you do that?

BRIDGET
Oh, poor Joe!
Oh, I havent paid him! Joe!

ANNIE
Has Bridget just run off with the window cleaner.

HECTOR and NICK
Yep!

VICTORIA YALLOP
Cuckoo!
Anybody home! Lucas my darling, Im back. Give your mummy a hug!

NICK
How was George?

VICTORIA YALLOP
Wonderful!

NICK
So, did you, erm, tell George about, erm, you know

VICTORIA YALLOP
You know?
What?

NICK
[Clears throat]
Did you tell George Ducas about me?
What a good actor I am.

VICTORIA YALLOP
Oh! Im so sorry darling, I completely forgot!
It was all so exciting!
Oh, Lucas, youre going to have a new daddy.
George and I are going to be married.
Im going to be Mrs George Ducas.

HECTOR
Hey! That means you are going to be Lucas Ducas!

VICTORIA YALLOP
Lucas, come with me and meet your new daddy.
Oh-hah-hah!

LUCAS
See, girls are yuck!

Buzzing noise

HECTOR
Oh!

COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA. Bridget gets a new computer, the boys get competitive and Annie gets a surprise.

EXTRA dont miss it!

Extra English 16 (Uncle Nick) . 16
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