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Extra English 27 (Can You Live Without) . 27

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TV VOICE OVER

Its time for Can You Live Without And heres someone you just cant live without its MARTY!!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
But what Sharon doesnt realise is weve got a camera in the bathroom. Ha-ha-ha!!

ANNIE
Oh, thats disgusting!
She must know that we can see her!

HECTOR
Ooh, I think it is quite clever!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
But what are Paul and Mandy doing in the living room?

BRIDGET
Theyre kissing.
Theyre kissing.

NICK
Theyre not kissing, theyre whispering.

BRIDGET
What? Do you call this whispering?

NICK
Aaah! Lets think of another name for it!

BRIDGET
Paul and Mandy said they could live without kissing for twenty four hours, and look theyve failed!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]
And Paul and Mandy lose points for that. Weve caught them kissing see you after the break!

VOICE OVER/ADVERTISEMENT
Can You Live Without is sponsored by Clouds Toilet Tissue.

ANNIE
Well, I couldnt live without kissing Hector for twenty four hours.

BRIDGET
Why dont you try?

ANNIE
Hector! I wish youd stop chewing gum!

HECTOR

Im not chewing.

ANNIE

Yes you are! Youre always chewing.

HECTOR

No ooh-ooh.

ANNIE

I bet you couldnt stop chewing gum for twenty four hours.

HECTOR

Well yes I could, and anyway you suck your thumb.

ANNIE

I do not.
Well, only when Im stressed.

NICK

Hey! Ive had an idea!

ANNIE & BRIDGET

Oh no!

NICK

We could be contestants on Can You Live Without ?

ASSORTED SPEAKERS

Oh/ah/hmm/oh.

NICK

We could do it.
Its just twenty four hours of giving up our favourite things! It would be easy! Think of the prize money!

BRIDGET

And Marty Ross presents it.
He would come to my apartment again!

HECTOR, ANNIE & NICK

Oh no!

BRIDGET

Oh Marty, hes got such good taste.

MARTY ROSS [Flashback to previous episode]

And this is fantastic original.

ANNIE

So what happened to Marty?

BRIDGET

Oh, he said he needed time away from me to really appreciate me.

 

NICK

Oh, so he dumped you then.


BRIDGET

He did not! Ow!!

ANNIE

Anyway, Bridget, are you feeling persuasive?

BRIDGET

Of course, Im always feeling persuasive.

ANNIE

Well, its time to persuade Marty that we want to go on Can You Live Without And then Marty can make it happen.

BRIDGET

Ill try.
Loud thumping noise

NICK

Ow!!!

VOICE ON TANNOY

Mr Ross to Studio B please.

Sound of door opening/shutting/laughter

 

BRIDGET

Hello Marty.

MARTY ROSS

Hello.
Ah, erm,

BRIDGET

Bridget!

MARTY ROSS

Bridget?

BRIDGET

Bridget, Eunices researcher!
We had dinner last month.

MARTY ROSS

Oh, that Bridget, erm, what do you want?

BRIDGET

Ive got something to say.

MARTY ROSS

Well, Im not the father!

BRIDGET

Oh no! Nothing like that!

MARTY ROSS
Oh well, what is it then?


BRIDGET

My friends and I want to be contestants on Can You Live Without

MARTY ROSS

Oh, I wish I could help you, but its not my decision, its the producers. Now, I must go.

BRIDGET

Erm, you cant help me.
Well thats a shame.

MARTY ROSS

Yes it is.

BRIDGET

Because Id hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-huh. Or this. Hmm.

MARTY ROSS

Where did you get them?

BRIDGET

Hah! Dont you remember? Im Eunices researcher.
I research! Oh, I wish I could help you, but its not my decision, its the newspapers.

MARTY ROSS

All right, all right. Ill see what I can do.

ANNIE [Composing email]

I love the TV show Can You Live Without

ANNIE

Its time to persuade Marty that we want to go on Can You Live Without

ANNIE [Composing email]

I think Bridget, Nick, Hector and I should go on it.
Sometimes I wonder whether Hector can live without chewing gum!

ANNIE

Hector, I wish youd stop chewing gum!

BRIDGET [Composing email]

Guess what! I persuaded Marty Ross to get us on Can You Live Without

BRIDGET

Because Id hate for the newspapers to see this. Ah-hah. Or this.

BRIDGET [Composing email]

If we can live without our favourite things, well win a super holiday.

NICK

We could do it! Its just twenty four hours of giving up our favourite things!

BRIDGET [Composing email]

It will be easy for me, but I dont know about the others.

Loud thumping noise

 

NICK

Ow!!

TV VOICE OVER

Its time for Can You Live Without And heres someone you just cant live without ITS
MARTY!!

MARTY ROSS

Hello darlings!
Do you want to spend the next twenty four hours with me?!

AUDIENCE

YEAH!!

MARTY ROSS

Correct answer! Yes, lets see what the people who live here, can live without.
But huh, it looks like they live without anything, anyway!
Now, lets meet the contestants

Sound of cheering/applause

 

MARTY ROSS

You first, pretty lady, whats your name?

BRIDGET

Oh, you already know my name, Marty.

MARTY ROSS

Hah-hah-hah, we have a pretty joker here!
Dont get smart, sweetie, this is my show, photo or no photo.

BRIDGET

Erm, Bridget.

MARTY ROSS

Good luck, Bridget.

Applause/sound of wolf whistles

 

MARTY ROSS

And who do we have here?

ANNIE

Hello. My name is Annie and Im Hectors girlfriend and I love Charley, erm, my, my dog.

MARTY ROSS

So, which one could you live without?

ANNIE

Oh, erm

MARTY ROSS

Ha-ha, enough said! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Sound of applause

 

MARTY ROSS

And this is Hector. So, Hector, Annie loves her dog more than you, ha-ha-ha-ha!
Mind you, Hector does sound like a dogs name, doesnt it! Here Hector, here boy! Oh-oh, dont bite!
And, last of all and least of all, ha-ha-ha-ha, its erm, hello, is anybody there? I know, youre a fish, ha-ha-ha-ha!

NICK

Ahm, hi [sound of Nick clearing his throat/stumbling over words] Erm, Nick.

MARTY ROSS

Hi, N-N-Nick! And what do you like?

NICK

[sound of Nick stumbling over words]

MARTY ROSS

Bananas!

NICK

Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba

MARTY ROSS

Baboons, you like baboons! You are a baboon then!
Youre a small baboon!

NICK

Ba-ba-ba

MARTY ROSS

Its not baboons. You like b-babes!

NICK

B-irds

MARTY ROSS

Sorry, this is Nick and he likes babes.

Sound of applause

 

MARTY ROSS

Well, lets get on with it.
As usual, each of these contestants has picked one thing that their flatmates cannot live without for twenty four hours!
Bridget you must live without chocolate [ah!] mirrors [ah!] and makeup! [Ahh!]

 

Sound of applause

MARTY ROSS

Annie, you must live without touching Hector, sucking your thumb and most of all, you must live without Charley!

Sound of applause

 

MARTY ROSS

Hector, you must live without touching Annie and chewing gum.


Sound of applause

 

MARTY ROSS

Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motorbikes! And all of you must live without television, magazines and music twenty four hours of living without starts now!!

Sound of applause

 

MARTY ROSS

Come on, Charley. Youre coming with me.

Sound of Charley whining

 

MARTY ROSS

Dont forget Ill be watching!

Sound of applause

 

NICK

No television!

ANNIE & BRIDGET

Aah!

BRIDGET

No touching. If you touch, we lose points and we wont win a big prize. Aaah!!
No makeup, what must I look like? Ah!!

ANNIE

Ah-ah-ah-ah, and no mirrors!

NICK

[Makes baboon-type noises]

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Look at that guy, he looks like a monkey at the zoo! So how will they do? Top points could mean a holiday in the Caribbean!
But- if they fail they lose points and their prize holiday could be this!
Of course we might give them one or two temptations to make interesting television.
Join me after the break!

NICK [Composing email]
So, Bridget has to live without make-up, mirrors and chocolate.

BRIDGET

Aah!

NICK [Composing email]

Annie mustnt suck her thumb and Hector must stop chewing gum. Oh, Hector and Annie mustnt touch each other.

MARTY ROSS

You must live without touching Hector.

NICK [Composing email]

Me? I mustnt talk about babes and motorbikes.


MARTY ROSS

Nick, you must live without talking about babes, or talking about motor bikes.

NICK [Composing email]

That doesnt stop me dreaming about them, though!

MARTY ROSS

Twenty four hours of living without starts now!

NICK

I think its going to rain.

ANNIE

Do you?

HECTOR

I agree.

NICK

Manchester United are doing well.

ANNIE

Are they?

HECTOR

I agree.

NICK

I think its going to rain.

BRIDGET

Weather and football, is that all you can talk about?

NICK

No, well yesterday I met this really cute b

ANNIE, HECTOR & BRIDGET

Aaah!

ANNIE

Dont say it! Do not talk about babes or motorbikes!

HECTOR

Hey!

ANNIE

Careful!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Bridget, no mirrors, you lose ten points!

BRIDGET

But its not a mirror, its a kettle!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Dont argue! You lose another ten points!


MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Well, its all quiet now! Ha-ha-ha! What about some temptation!

BRIDGET

Hector, what is in your mouth?

HECTOR

Nothing.

ANNIE

Are you chewing gum, Hector?

HECTOR

No.

BRIDGET

No hes not. Hes chewing this!

ANNIE

Open!

BRIDGET

That was from the Red Sea, it cost a lot of money.
Ah! Grr! I could kill for some chocolate!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ha-ha-ha-ah! This should be fun!

BRIDGET [Reading note]

Bridget, I love the show, oh, love from, oh, Orlando Bloom! Ah! Ah! Orlando Bloom, watching me!
Oh, I hope you didnt hear me say that! Ha-ha-ha-ha! What do I look like? Oh, what do I look like?! Oh!!

Sound of Charley whining

 

HECTOR

What are you doing, Annie?

ANNIE

Oh! Im talking to Charley!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Annie, you must live without Charley, you lose ten points! Ha-ha-ha!

ANNIE

What?!!

ANNIE

Hector, dont move!

HECTOR

What is it?

ANNIE

It, its OK, just dont move!


HECTOR

Im not going anywhere!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ooh, what Hector doesnt know is that weve put that spider on his jumper! Ooh, this is wonderful TV!

ANNIE

Oh, think, think! Ah, one minute! Ah-ha! Thats better.
Now, well just brush this little fellow off.

HECTOR

Dont touch it!

ANNIE

Its, its OK.
Im sure its not poisonous!

HECTOR

How do you know?
Anyway, if you touch me, we will lose points!

NICK

[Making kissing noises]
Thank you, thank you oh mmm prrr- prrr prrr!
Yeah! [Sound of kissing] Ah!

ANNIE

OK. Now stay still! Hah!

HECTOR

Oh, oh-oh!!

ANNIE

Dont move!
Hang on a minute!

HECTOR

Oh!

ANNIE

Hector! This is a toy!

HECTOR

Oh, ha-ha-ha! I knew that!

ANNIE

Oh Hector, you were so funny! Marty has played a trick on us!

HECTOR

Yeah, very funny!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ooh! Whos a cross boy?! Things are getting really hot now and theyve still got over twelve hours to go!


ANNIE

You know Hector, I really think we can do this! We can win that holiday!

HECTOR

Mmm.

BRIDGET

Hello Annie.

ANNIE

Bridget, what are you doing in there?

BRIDGET

Im erm, just reading the electricity meter.

ANNIE

Come here.
And why are you wearing dark glasses?

BRIDGET

I dont want Orlando to see me without make-up.

ANNIE

Bridget! Is that chocolate?!

BRIDGET

Erm, no! Oh!
But theyre from Orlando! Oh!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ha-ha-ha, no chocolate, Bridget, you lose one hundred points!

Sound of motorbike revving

 

NICK

Nick has entered the building!

BRIDGET

Nick!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Yes! Annie and Hector touched, they lose two hundred points!

ANNIE

What?!

HECTOR

It was an accident!

MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

Ha-ha-ha! And best of all Nick, you cant live without motorbikes! So you lose five hundred points!

BRIDGET

No, no, no, no! You said, no talking about motorbikes, actually, big nose!

NICK

Yeah, Marty, so thanks for the present, you can keep your holiday! Hah!


MARTY ROSS [Speaking via hidden camera]

What?! You cant do that!

NICK

Baby, fancy a ride?

BRIDGET

Ye-ah!
Oh Hector, this is for Marty, or should I say Martina!

Sound of laughter

 

NICK

So Marty, if you want the bike, come and get it!

HECTOR

Sorry Marty, we can live without you!
Goodbye! Oh, and Marty I think your audience will love this picture of you!

MARTY ROSS

Oh-no-no-no!!

HECTOR

Come on Annie, we have lots of catching up to do!

ANNIE

Oh Hector, catch me!

 

COMMENTARY [v.o.]

Next time in EXTRA! Nick plays Santa, while Hector and Annie play under the mistletoe

BRIDGET, HECTOR, ANNIE & NICK

Oh come all ye faithful, joyful and triumph

COMMENTARY [v.o.]

EXTRA, dont miss it!

BRIDGET Oh come ye, oh come ye to da-da-da-da!

Extra English 27 (Can You Live Without) . 27
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