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Текст
BRIDGET [reading email message]
"I got the photos, thanks. Your friends look cute. Do they know about me?"
"Well, they know I have a sister, but they don't know I have an identical twin!"
"Well, don't tell them and we'll have some fun. I'll see you on the 16th of June. My plane lands at 3. I'll get a taxi from the airport.
Love you, Chrissy."
HECTOR [speaking on the phone in Spanish]
No, mama, no es … …
BRIDGET and HECTOR
Mothers!
HECTOR
My mother thinks I am 10 years old.
BRIDGET
My Mum treats me like a baby too.
HECTOR
My Mum doesn't understand me.
BRIDGET
My Mum doesn't understand me, but Chrissy is perfect.
HECTOR
Who is Chrissy?
BRIDGET
Oh, she's my sister.
Sound of telephone ringing
BRIDGET
Oh, excuse me. Hi? Oh, hello Mother.
Yes Mother, I have remembered she’s arriving today.
HECTOR
Oh, hi Nick. I've come to get my weights.
NICK
Ah, Mr Romero. Take off your trousers and like down, please.
HECTOR
Pardon, Nick?
NICK
Ah, please, call me Doctor Jessop.
Sound of emergency siren
HECTOR
Doctor Jessop?
NICK
Hector, I want a part in the TV show Hospital Fever. I need to practise.
Anyway, women love men in white coats.
HECTOR
Really?
NICK
Ha-ha-ha! So, where does it hurt?
HECTOR
Where does what hurt?
NICK
You are my patient so you must hurt somewhere.
HECTOR
OK, oh, my arm, my arm hurts.
NICK
Your leg or your arm? Leg, arm, arm, leg.
HECTOR
Oh, OK, my leg, my leg.
NICK
OK. Sit down please, Mr Romero. Hmm, cross your legs. Ha! Now, don't worry, Mr Romero, this won't hurt at all.
Arrgghhhh! Oooh, oooh!
HECTOR
Sorry, Nick, it was an accident.
NICK
OK. You have good reflexes.
HECTOR
Good.
NICK
Now, Mr Romero, please say "Ah!"
HECTOR
Huh?
NICK
Mmm! I thought so.
HECTOR
What?
NICK
You had cornflakes for breakfast.
HECTOR
Oh.
NICK
Now I must give you an injection.
HECTOR
An injection?
NICK
Yes, an injection.
Sound of knocking on door
BRIDGET
It's open.
CHRISSY
Ta-daaa!
BRIDGET
Chrissy!! You're early. Come in, come in!
BRIDGET and CHRISSY
Twinnies!
CHRISSY
Oh Bridget, darling, it's lovely to see you.
BRIDGET
And you, Chrissy.
How was your flight?
CHRISSY
Great, but can you believe it, they lost my luggage.
BRIDGET
Incredible.
Oh Chrissy, look at you. You never change. You're still a teenager.
CHRISSY
Oh, didn't we have fun then.
BRIDGET
Yeah, at school.
CHRISSY
"It wasn't me Miss, it was Bridget!"
BRIDGET
"It wasn't me Miss, it was Chrissy!"
We shared everything.
CHRISSY
Yes, we did.
"He loves me."
BRIDGET
"No, he loves me, me, me!"
Anyway, here we are now.
CHRISSY
Bridget, do you have some clothes I could borrow? I travelled in this dress. I need something more comfortable.
BRIDGET
Something like this? I bought two for the price of one.
CHRISSY
Bridget, this looks really good.
BRIDGET
Great.
HECTOR
Sorry, I can't exercise. I've hurt my back.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Why, Hector. You are so muscular.
HECTOR
Oh, thanks. How is your Mum?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
She is such a good friend. She really understands me.
HECTOR
But I thought that...
NICK
It's OK. I'm here. Where's the emergency?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Well, hello, Nick, the actor.
Ooh, I love doctors.
Sound of telephone ringing
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Excuse me. Hello?
Hello, Mummy.
NICK
This is it! Women love doctors. Bridget can't resist me.
HECTOR
Really?
NICK
Hey, darling, come to Nick.
CHRISSY
See you soon, Mummy. Love you lots. Bye!
So Doctor, where were we?
Ooh, I think I have a temperature.
NICK
Madam, I think I can help. Tell me where it hurts.
ANNIE
Hi, Hector!
Hi, Nick!
Hi, Bridget!
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Annie, darling! How are you? Doesn't Nick look good as a doctor?
ANNIE
Yes, he looks very, very good.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Now you must excuse me, I must do my make-up.
NICK
Ooooh!
BRIDGET
Guess what? My twin sister Chrissy has arrived from Australia.
She lost her luggage, so she has borrowed my clothes.
NICK
That's it! Women love doctors!
Today I practised for a part as a doctor and Bridget couldn't resist me!
HECTOR
Bridget is in a really strange mood today. A moment ago, she said that her mother was her best friend.
ANNIE
So?
HECTOR
But an hour ago, she said that her mother treated her like a baby. I am confused.
NICK
I wonder what Bridget was like when she was younger.
HECTOR
I wonder what Annie was like.
ANNIE
I wonder what Nick was like.
Nick?
NICK
Huh! I know what Hector was like.
Anyway, I must continue rehearsing as Doctor Jessop, especially as Bridget loves doctors so much. Aha!
Sound of door slamming
ANNIE
Ohhh! Nick only likes Bridget, Bridget, Bridget.
BRIDGET
Am I interrupting?
ANNIE
No.
HECTOR
Yes.
BRIDGET
Excuse me!
ANNIE
But why? Nick never notices me. Ohhh! And he looks so handsome in his doctor's coat.
HECTOR
Really?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Aha! Sweet!
ANNIE
But I thought that …
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
… Your faces!
Are you two … ?
ANNIE
No!
HECTOR
Yes.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Aw, but you look so nice together.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
So Hector, are you and Annie dating?
HECTOR
Well...
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Come on, Hector.
You can tell me. It's not a problem.
HECTOR
Really?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Really.
HECTOR
OK. I really like Annie.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Go on.
HECTOR
But she doesn't notice me.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Well, ask her on a date.
HECTOR
Well, should I? OK.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Oh, and Hector, when I was at the airport today, I found this magazine.
HECTOR
Airport?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Is this you?
Are you this rich boy, Hector?
HECTOR
Yeah, but please, don't tell Annie.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Oh, you want her to like you, not your money.
HECTOR
Yeah.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
That is so sweet.
Well, don't you worry. Your secret is safe with me.
HECTOR
Oh, thanks.
Banging noise
HECTOR and NICK
Oh –ow-ow!!
HECTOR
Bridget is in a really good mood today!
NICK
Really? Gre-at!
Hi!
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Hi, Nick darling, or Dr Jessop.
Would you help me?
NICK
Sure.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Would you move this exercise bike to give me more space?
NICK
Sure.
Yeah. Eeyahh!
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Oh, you're so strong.
NICK
I need a drink.
Would you like one?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Yes, please.
NICK
Aha! Bridget, darling. Have you finished, because now we can make a little sweet music of our own, darling.
BRIDGET
In your dreams, Nick.
NICK
Huh?
BRIDGET
Who moved my bike?
NICK
I did, because you...
BRIDGET
Well, move it back then - if you're strong enough.
HECTOR
Aha!
HECTOR
Dr Romero, at your service.
ANNIE
Ooh, hello!
Oh, Hector, you look great! Oh, I love doctors.
BRIDGET
Oh, Hector you look great!
Oh, I love doctors.
ANNIE
I’m fed up – Nick only likes Bridget! Bridget! Bridget!
But dear Hector comforts me, he is so kind.
And Bridget is in a strange mood today.
First she said, [“Am I interrupting?”] then two minutes later she said, [“Sweet!”]
It’s like two different people!
NICK
First she asked me to move her bike: ["Would you move this exercise bike to give me more space?"] then one minute later, she told me to put it back again: ["Who moved my bike?"]
Huh!
Women!
HECTOR
Hi, Annie.
ANNIE
Oh, hi, Hector.
Hector, think of a card.
HECTOR
OK, ace of diamonds.
ANNIE
No, don't tell me.
HECTOR
Annie?
ANNIE
Yes, Hector?
HECTOR
I have something to ask you.
ANNIE
Yes, Hector?
HECTOR
The thing is, do you like to come to the cinema tomorrow night with me?
ANNIE
Pardon?
HECTOR
Would you like to come to the cinema tomorrow night - with me?
ANNIE
Oh, well, yes, I'd like to.
HECTOR
OK. See you then.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
So Annie, did Hector ask you out?
ANNIE
To the cinema, yes. Do you want to come?
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Of course not!
Have a great time!
ANNIE
I wonder which film we should see.
BRIDGET
When?
ANNIE
When I go to the cinema with Hector, of course.
BRIDGET
What? You and Hector are going to the cinema?
I don't believe it.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Phew, I'm starving! Hmm! These are my favourite biscuits.
I think there are some good films on now, Annie.
BRIDGET
All the films are rubbish at the moment anyway. I'm starving. Ecchh!
I hate these biscuits.
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
Now I must phone the airport.
ANNIE
Ohhhh!
CHRISSY [pretending to be Bridget]
What is it, Annie?
ANNIE
I don't understand.
If you are there, then who is in the bathroom?
What?!!
BRIDGET
What? Ahhhhhhhh!
Annie, what are you doing?
ANNIE
But you're, you're … !
BRIDGET
… Twins.
ANNIE
Bridget, I didn’t know!
BRIDGET
This is my twin sister Chrissy.
Didn't I tell you about her?
ANNIE
Ahh! Now I understand. So Nick and Hector don't know that you are twins.
BRIDGET
No, I don't think so.
You know, we could have some fun with this …
ANNIE
Maybe a magic trick?
Hector! Nick! Come in!
You are just in time to see my new magic trick. Take a seat.
HECTOR
Wow, I can't wait.
ANNIE
Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, just gentlemen.
Today I will make my lovely assistant Bridget disappear!
Enter, Bridget!
Sound of drum roll
NICK and HECTOR
Whoo-whoooo! Whoo-whoooo!
ANNIE
OK, Bridget, in you go.
Bridget. Bridget!
I will make Bridget disappear from this box and appear in this box.
NICK
Oh, this I must see.
ANNIE
Now a tap with the magic wand.
NICK and HECTOR
Hey! Hey!
ANNIE
Which means that the first box is empty.
NICK and HECTOR
Whooo! Hey!
ANNIE
Bridget, you are moving quickly today.
Let's just check that the other box is empty.
HECTOR
Hey!
She's going round the back.
ANNIE
OK, gentlemen, place your bets, please.
Which box do you think Bridget is in?
NICK
The box on the left.
HECTOR
No, no, the box on the right.
ANNIE
OK. Let's see.
A drum roll, please.
Sound of drum roll
ANNIE
Gentlemen, applause, please, for Bridget and Chrissy! Oh, I think there's something wrong with the audience. Is there a doctor in the house?
BRIDGET
Bye, Chrissy, come back again!
CHRISSY
I will, I promise. Bye, Bridget.
BRIDGET
Oh, Chrissy, I'll miss you. Oh! She forgot her magazine.
What?!
It can't be!
It is!
It's Hector!
COMMENTARY [v.o.]
Next time in EXTRA, Hector helps build some new shelves, Nick helps build some new shelves, and what happens when the landlady's cousin comes to stay? EXTRA, don't miss it.
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