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10 причин моей ненависти/ Ten Thing I Hate About You
PADUA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Welcome to Padua High School,, your typical urban-suburban
high school in Portland, Oregon. Smarties, Skids, Preppies,
Granolas. Loners, Lovers, the In and the Out Crowd rub sleep
out of their eyes and head for the main building.
PADUA HIGH PARKING LOT - DAY
KAT STRATFORD, eighteen, pretty -- but trying hard not to be
-- in a baggy granny dress and glasses, balances a cup of
coffee and a backpack as she climbs out of her battered,
baby blue '75 Dodge Dart.
A stray SKATEBOARD clips her, causing her to stumble and
spill her coffee, as well as the contents of her backpack.
The young RIDER dashes over to help, trembling when he sees
who his board has hit.
Hey -- sorry.
Cowering in fear, he attempts to scoop up her scattered
I said, leave it!
She grabs his skateboard and uses it to SHOVE him against a
car, skateboard tip to his throat. He whimpers pitifully
and she lets him go. A path clears for her as she marches
through a pack of fearful students and SLAMS open the door,
INT. GIRLS' ROOM - DAY
BIANCA STRATFORD, a beautiful sophomore, stands facing the
mirror, applying lipstick. Her less extraordinary, but
still cute friend, CHASTITY stands next to her.
Did you change your hair?
You might wanna think about it
Leave the girls' room and enter the hallway.
HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
Bianca is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd, both
and girls alike.
The greetings continue as Chastity remains wordless and
unaddressed by her side. Bianca smiles proudly,
acknowledging her fans.
GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going senior with an open,
farm-boy face, sits facing Miss Perky, an impossibly cheery
I'm sure you won't find Padua any
different than your old school. Same
little asswipe mother-fuckers
Her plastic smile never leaves her face. Cameron fidgets in
his chair uncomfortably.
I don't think so, ma'am
Then go forth. Scoot I've got
deviants to see.
Cameron rises to leave and makes eye contact with PATRICK
VERONA, a sullen-looking bad ass senior who waits outside Ms
Perky's door. His slouch and smirk let us know how cool he
Miss Perky looks down at her file and up at Patrick
Patrick Verona. I see we're making our
visits a weekly ritual.
She gives him a withering glance. He answers with a charming
I missed you.
It says here you exposed yourself to a
group of freshmen girls.
It was a bratwurst. I was eating
With the teeth of your zipper?
She motions for Patrick to enter her office and Cameron
shuffles out the door, bumping into MICHAEL ECKMAN, a lanky,
brainy senior who will either end up a politician or game
You the new guy?
So they tell me...
C'mon. I'm supposed to give you the
They head out of the office
So -- which Dakota you from?
North, actually. How'd you ?
I was kidding. People actually live
Yeah. A couple. We're outnumbered by
the cows, though.
How many people were in your old
How many people go here?
Couple thousand. Most of them evil
INT. HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
Prom posters adorn the wall. Michael steers Cameron through
the crowd as he points to various cliques.
We've got your basic beautiful people.
Unless they talk to you first, don't
The beautiful people pass, in full jock/cheerleader
Those 're your cowboys.
Several Stetson-wearing, big belt buckle. Wrangler guys
That I'm used to.
Yeah, but these guys have never seen a
horse. They just jack off to Clint
They pass an espresso cart with a group of teens huddled
To the right, we have the Coffee Kids.
Very edgy. Don't make any sudden
movements around them.
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
Michael continues the tour
And these delusionals are the White
Several white boys in dreadlocks and Jamaican knit berets
lounge on the grass. A cloud of pot smoke hovers above them
Big Marley fans. Think they're black.
Semi-political, but mostly, they watch a
lot of Wild Kingdom, if you know what I
Michael waves to DEREK, the one with the longest dreads.
Derek - save some for after lunch, bub?
Michael, my brother, peace
Cameron turns to follow Michael as they walk into the
So where do you fit in all this?
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Loud music and loud students. Michael sits with a group of
Future MBAs- We're all Ivy League,
already accepted. Someday I'll be
sipping Merlot while those guys --
He points to the table of jocks, as they torture various
are fixing my Saab. Yuppie greed is
back, my friend.
He points proudly to the ALLIGATOR on his shirt.
Cameron stops listening as BIANCA walks by, and we go SLO
MO. Pure and perfect, she passes Cameron and Michael
without a look.
Cameron is smitten
That girl -- I --
You burn, you pine, you perish?
Who is she?
Bianca Stratford. Sophomore. Don't
even think about it
I could start with your haircut, but it
doesn't matter. She's not allowed to
date until her older sister does. And
that's an impossibility.
ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
A room full of bored seniors doodle and scare off into space
MS. BLAISE, the one-step-away-from-medication English
Teacher, tries to remember what she's talking about.
Well, then. Oh, yes. I guess that
does it for our analysis of The Old Man
and the Sea. Any other comments?
Kat, the girl we saw as we entered the school, slowly cakes
off her glasses and speaks up.
Why didn't we just read the Hardy Boys?
This book is about a guy and his
fishing habit. Not exactly a crucial
The other students roll their eyes.
Frankly, I'm baffled as to why we still
revere Hemingway. He was an abusive,
alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of
JOEY DORSEY, a well-muscled jock with great cheekbones,
makes fun of her from his row.
As opposed to a bitter self-righteous
hag who has no friends?
A few giggles. Kat ignores him. A practiced gesture
That's enough, Mr. Dorsey.
Really gets fired up now
I guess the school board thinks because
Hemingway's male and an asshole, he's
worthy of our time
She looks up at Ms. Blaise, who is now fighting with her
What about Colette? Charlotte Bronte?
Simone de Beauvoir?
Patrick, lounging in his seat in the back row, elbows a
crusty-looking crony, identified by the name SCURVY,
embroidered on his workshirt.
The class titters. Kat wears an expression of intolerance
INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
Kat now sits before Miss Perky.
Katarina Stratford. My, my. You've
been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again.
Expressing my opinion is not a
Well, yes, compared to your other
choices of expression this year, today's
events are quite mild. By the way,
Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation
went quite well, in case you're
I still maintain that he kicked himself
in the balls. I was merely a spectator.
The point is Kat -- people perceive you
as somewhat ...
Kat smiles at her, daring her to say it.
No ... I believe "heinous bitch" is the
term used most often.
She grimaces, as if she's referring to a medical condition.
You might want to work on that
Kat rises from her chair with a plastic smile matching the
As always, thank you for your excellent
INT. SOPHOMORE ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
Bianca ignores the droning teacher as she writes a note in
big flowing handwriting.
I realize the language of Mr.
Shakespeare makes him a bit daunting,
but I'm sure you're all doing your best.
Bianca folds the note and passes it behind her with a flip
of her hair to CHASTITY. Chastity opens the note and reads:
INSERT - "JOEY DORSEY SAID HI TO ME IN THE HALL! OH! MY
Chastity frowns to herself.
Ms. Stratford, do you care to comment
on what you've read so far?
Bianca looks up and smiles the smile of Daddy's little girl.
The teacher shakes her head, but lets it go.
MANDELLA. a waif-like senior girl who sits off to the side
trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral on her
notebook, looks up and raises her hand.
Mandella -- since you're assisting us,
you might as well comment. I'm assuming
you read the assignment.
Uh, yeah, I read it all
The whole play^
The whole folio. All the plays.
You've read every play by William
She raises a challenging eyebrow. The stunned teacher
doesn't answer and goes to call on the next student.
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
Mandella and Kat sit down in the quiet corner. They are
eating a carton of yogurt with gusto.
Your sister is so amazingly without. She'll never read him.
She has no idea.
The fact that you're cutting gym so you
can T.A. Sophomore English just to hear
his name, is a little without in itself
if you ask me.
Kat's attention is caught by Patrick as he walks by with his
friends, lighting up a cigarette. Mandella notices her
Patrick Verona Random skid.
That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone
for a year? I heard he was doing porn
I'm sure he's completely incapable of
doing anything that interesting.
He always look so
Kat turns back to face Mandella and forces her yogurt into
Mandella, eat. Starving yourself is a
very slow way to die.
Just a little.
She eats. Kat sees her wrist
An attempted slit.
Kat stares at her, expressionless.
I realize that the men of this fine
institution are severely lacking, but
killing yourself so you can be with
William Shakespeare is beyond the scope
of normal teenage obsessions. You're
venturing far past daytime talk show
fodder and entering the world of those
who need very expensive therapy.
But imagine the things he'd say during
Thinks a minute
Okay, say you do it. You kill
yourself, you end up in wherever you end
up and he's there. Do you really think
he's gonna wanna dace a ninety pound
compulsive who failed volleyball?
Mandella's attention is struck by Bianca
ACROSS THE COURTYARD
As she and Chastity parade by Joey and his COHORTS One of
the cohorts elbows Joey.
Joey looks up and smiles at Bianca.
Lookin' good, ladies.
Bianca smiles her coyest of smiles.
BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA Still watching.
Michael and Cameron observe Joey's leers at Bianca from
their bench in another corner. Cowboys eating cue of a can
of beans linger on the grass behind them.
Why do girls like that always like guys
Because they're bred to. Their mothers
liked guys like that, and their
grandmothers before them. Their gene
pool is rarely diluted.
He always have that shit-eating grin?
Joey Dorsey? Perma-shit-grin. I wish
I could say he's a moron, but he's
number twelve in the class. And a
model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's
rumored to have a big tube sock ad
The BELL rings, and the cowboys stand and spit into their
empty bean cans. Cameron and Michael rise as Cameron tries
to catch a glimpse of Bianca as she walks back inside.
You know French?
Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada
Guess who just signed up for a tutor?
You mean I'd get a chance to talk to
You could consecrate with her, my
Cameron watches as Bianca flounces back into the building.
EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
Kat and Mandella walk toward Kat's car. Joey pulls up
beside her in his Viper.
(re her dress)
The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't
you been reading your Sassy?
Yeah, and I noticed the only part of
you featured in your big Kmart spread
was your elbow. Tough break.
They're running the rest of me next
He zooms away as Kat yanks open the door of her Dart.
Mandella ties a silk scarf around her head, as if they're in
The people at this school are so
You could always go with me. I'm sure
William has some friends.
They watch Joey's car as he slows next to Bianca and
Chastity as they walk toward the school bus.
ON BIANCA AND CHASTITY
Need a ride, ladies?
Bianca and Chastity can't get in Joey's car fast enough. He
pulls away with a smile.
BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA
Mandella lowers her sunglasses to watch.
That's a charming new development
Kat doesn't answer, but reaches over and puts a tape in the
tape deck. The sounds of JOYFUL PUNK ROCK fill the car.
As they pull out, Michael crosses in front of them on his
moped. Kat has to SLAM the brakes to keep from hitting him
Remove head from sphincter! Then
Michael begins fearfully, pedaling as Kat PEELS out, angry
at the delay.
Cameron rushes over
You all right?
He slows to a stop
Yeah, just a minor encounter with the
That's her? Bianca's sister?
The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.
Michael putters off, leaving Cameron dodging Patrick's
grimy, grey Jeep -- a vehicle several years and many paint
jobs away from its former glory as a REGULATION MAIL TRUCK -
- as he sideswipes several cars on his way out of the lot.
INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY
SHARON STRATFORD, attractive and focused, sits in front of
her computer, typing quickly. A shelf next to her holds
several bodice-ripper romance novels, bearing her name.
Kat stands behind her, reading over her shoulder as she
"Undulating with desire, Adrienne
removes her crimson cape, revealing her
WALTER STRATFORD, a blustery, mad scientist-type
obstetrician, enters through the front door, wearing a
doctor's white jacket and carrying his black bag.
I hope dinner's ready because I only have ten minutes before
Mrs. Johnson squirts out a screamer.
He grabs the mail and rifles through it, as he bends down to
kiss Sharon on the cheek.
In the microwave.
Make anyone cry today?
Sadly, no. But it's only four-thirty.
Bianca walks in.
Where've you been?
Nowhere... Hi, Daddy.
She kisses him on the cheek
Walter kisses Bianca back as Kat heads up the stairs
Walter holds up a letter to Kat
What's this? It says Sarah Lawrence?
Snatches it away from him.
I guess I got in
Sharon looks up from her computer.
What's a synonym for throbbing?
Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of
I thought we decided you were going to
school here. At U of 0.
Is there even a question that we want
her to stay?
Kat gives Bianca an evil look then smiles sweetly at
Ask Bianca who drove her home
(to Bianca; upset)
Who drove you home?
Bianca glares at Kat then turns to Walter
Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's
this boy... and I think he might ask...
No! You're not dating until your sister
starts dating. End of discussion.
What if she never starts dating?
Then neither will you. And I'll get to
sleep at night.
But it's not fair -- she's a mutant,
This from someone whose diary is
devoted to favorite grooming tips?
He pulls out a small tape recorder from his black bag.
Do you know what this is?
He hits the "play' button and SHRIEKS OF PAIN emanate from
the tape recorder.
BIANCA AND WALTER
(in unison, by
The sound of a fifteen-year-old in
This is why you're not dating until
your sister does.
But she doesn't want to date.
Exactly my point
His BEEPER goes off and he grabs his bag again
Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich
before you women start dilating?
(to Sharon; as he
You're not helping.
INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
Cameron sits with an empty chair beside him. Bianca arrives
in a flurry of blonde hair.
Can we make this quick? Roxanne
Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an
incredibly horrendous public break- up
on the quad. Again.
Well, I thought we'd start with
pronunciation, if that's okay with you.
Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part. Please.
Okay... then how 'bout we try out some
French cuisine. Saturday? Night?
Bianca smiles slowly
You're asking me out. That's so cute.
What's your name again?
Bianca seizes an opportunity.
No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have
a proper introduction ---
The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the
mercy of a particularly hideous breed of
loser. My sister. I can't date until
Seems like she could get a date easy
She fingers a lock of her hair. He looks on, dazzled.
The problem is, she's completely anti-social.
Unsolved mystery. She used to be
really popular when she started high
school, then it was just like she got
sick of it or something.
That's a shame.
She reaches out and touches his arm
Gosh, if only we could find Kat a
Let me see what I can do.
Cameron smiles, having no idea how stupid he is
INT. BIOLOGY CLASS
A frog is being torn asunder by several prongs and picks.
Michael and Cameron go for the spleen.
You're in school for one day and you
ask out the most beautiful girl? Do you
have no concept of the high school
Cameron grins away
I teach her French, get to know her,
dazzle her with charm and she falls in
love with me.
Unlikely, but even so, she still can't
go out with you. So what's the
Cameron motions with his head toward Patrick, a few lab
tables away. He's wearing biker glasses instead of goggles
as he tries to revive his frog.
What about him?
You wanna go out with him?
The others at the lab table raise their eyebrows
No - he could wrangle with the sister.
Michael smiles. Liking the intrigue.
What makes you think he'll do it?
He seems like he thrives on danger
No kidding. He's a criminal. I heard
he lit a state trooper on fire. He just
got out of Alcatraz...
They always let felons sit in on Honors
I'm serious, man, he's whacked. He
sold his own liver on the black market
so he could buy new speakers.
Forget his reputation. Do you think
we've got a plan or not?
Did she actually say she'd go out with
That's what I just said
Michael processes this.
You know, if you do go out with Bianca,
you'd be set. You'd outrank everyone.
Strictly A-list. With me by your side.
I thought you hated those people.
Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients
when I get to Wall Street.
A cowboy flicks the frog's heart into one of the Coffee
Kid's latte. Cameron presses on, over the melee.
So now all we gotta do is talk to him.
He points to Patrick, who now makes his frog hump another
frog, with full-on sound effects.
I'll let you handle that.
INT. WOODSHOP - DAY
Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood
Michael sits next to PEPE, a Coffee Kid, who holds out his
jacket like the men who sell watches in the subway. Inside
several bags of coffee hang from hooks.
Some people like the Colombian, but it
all depends on your acidity preference.
Me? I prefer East African and
Indonesian. You start the day with a
Sumatra Boengie or maybe and Ethiopian
Sidamo in your cup, you're that much
farther ahead than someone drinkin'
Cosia Rican or Kona -- you know what I
Michael nods solemnly.
ACROSS THE ROOM
Patrick sits at a table with Scurvy, making something that
looks like a machete out of a two-by-four.
Cameron approaches, full of good-natured farm boy cheer
In response, Patrick brandishes a loud POWER TOOL in his
Cameron slinks away.
Michael watches, shaking his head.
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
Joey and his pals take turns drawing boobs onto a cafeteria
tray with a magic marker.
Michael walks up and sits between them, casual as can be
Are you lost?
Nope - just came by to chat
We don't chat.
Well, actually, I thought I'd run an
idea by you. You know, just to see if
He grabs Michael by the side of the head, and proceeds to
draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker. Michael
suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.
Hear me out. You want Bianca don't
Joey sits back and cackles at his drawing.
But she can't go out with you because
her sister is this insane head case and
no one will go out with her. right?
Does this conversation have a purpose?
So what you need to do is recruit a guy
who'll go out with her. Someone who's
up for the job.
Michael points to Patrick, who makes a disgusted face at his
turkey pot pie before he rises and throws it at the garbage
can, rather than in it.
That guy? I heard he ate a live duck once. Everything but
the beak and the feet.
Joey turns to look at Michael.
What's in it for you?
Oh, hey, nothin' man Purely good will
on my part.
He rises to leave and turns to the others.
I have a dick on my face, don't I?
INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
Michael stands at the sink, trying to scrub Joey's artwork
off his face as Cameron watches.
You got him involved?
Like we had a choice? Besides -- when
you let the enemy think he's
orchestrating the battle, you're in a
position of power. We let him pretend
he's calling the shots, and while he's
busy setting up the plan, you have time
to woo Bianca.
Cameron grins and puts an arm around him
You're one brilliant guy
Michael pulls back, noticing other guys filing in.
Hey - I appreciate gratitude as much as the next guy, but
it's not gonna do you any good to be known as New Kid Who
Embraces Guys In The Bathroom.
Cameron pulls back and attempts to posture himself in a
manly way for the others, now watching.
INT. KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY
Kat and Mandella pick apart their pad thai. Mandella is
So he has this huge raging fit about
Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to
his male-dominated, puking frat boy,
number one golf team school. I have no
say at all.
William would never have gone to a
William didn't even go to high school
That's never been proven
Neither has his heterosexuality.
Mandella replies with a look of ice. Kat uses the moment to
stub out Mandella's cigarette.
I appreciate your efforts toward a
speedy death, but I'm consuming.
(pointing at her
Do you mind?
Does it matter?
If I was Bianca, it would be, "Any
school you want, precious. Don't forget
They both look up as Patrick enters. He walks up to the
counter to place his order.
Mandella leans toward Kat with the glow of fresh gossip
Janice Parker told me he was a roadie
for Marilyn Manson.
Patrick nods at them as he takes his food outside.
Janice Parker is an idiot
INT. MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY
Patrick sits before Miss Perky, eating his Thai food
(looking at chart)
I don't understand, Patrick. You
haven't done anything asinine this week.
Are you not feeling well?
Touch of the flu.
I'm at a loss, then. What should we
talk about? Your year of absence?
He smiles his charming smile
How 'bout your sex life?
She tolerates his comment with her withering glance.
Why don't we discuss your driving need
to be a hemorrhoid?
What's to discuss?
You weren't abused, you aren't stupid,
and as far as I can tell, you're only
slightly psychotic -- so why is it that
you're such a fuck-up?
Well, you know -- there's the prestige
of the job title... and the benefits
package is pretty good...
The bell RINGS.
Fine. Go do something repugnant and
give us something to talk about next
INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
Several pairs of tutors and students sit at the various
Mandella sits with TREVOR, a White Rasta. She attempts to
get him to do geometry, but he stares at her, as if smitten
Look, it's really easy.
You're a freedom fighter. Be proud,
Mandella sets down her pencil and closes the book.
It's Mandella with two L's. I am not
related to Nelson Mandela. I am not a
political figure. I do not live in
South Africa. My parents just spent a
few too many acid trips thinking they
But you freed our people
Your "people" are white, suburban high
school boys who smoke too much hemp. I
have not freed you, Trevor.
(grabbing his arm
Only you can free yourself.
ACROSS THE ROOM Bianca and Cameron sit side by side, cozy as
C'esc ma tete. This is my head
Right. See? You're ready for the
I don't want to know how to say that
though. I want to know useful things.
Like where the good stores are. How
much does champagne cost? Stuff like
Chat. I have never in my life had to
point out my head to someone.
That's because it's such a nice one.
She shuts her book and puts on a seductive smile
How is our little Find the Wench A Date
Well, there's someone I think might be
Bianca's eyes light up
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Cameron and Bianca lean against the wall -inconspicuously.
Bianca plays it cool.
Give me a sign when he walks by. And
The bell RINGS. Kids flood past. Then Patrick saunters by
with Scurvy. Cameron nudges Bianca.
Out of desperation, Cameron awkwardly lunges across
Patrick's path. Patrick shoves him back against the wall
without a thought. Cameron lands in a THUD at Bianca's
I guess he didn't see me
Some other time --
Bianca watches Patrick, a wicked gleam in her eye.
My God, he's repulsive. He's so
INT. GYM CLASS - DAY
Several volleyball games are being played.
Joey and a member of his hulking entourage, approach
Patrick, who still manages to look cool, even in gym
clothes. They pull him aside roughly.
JOEY See that girl?
Patrick follows his line of vision to Kat as she spikes the
ball into some poor cowboy's face.
What do you think?
Kat wins the game and high fives the others, who are scared
Two legs, nice rack...
Yeah, whatever. I want you to go out
Sure, Sparky. I'll get right on it.
You just said
You need money to take a girl out
But you'd go out with her if you had
Patrick stares at Joey deadpan. His dislike for the guy
Yeah, I'd take her to Europe if I had
You got it, Verona. I pick up the tab,
you do the honors.
You're gonna pay me to take out some
I can't date her sister until that one
gets a boyfriend. And that's the catch.
She doesn't want a boyfriend.
Twenty bucks each time you take her out.
I can't take a girl like that out on
Patrick raises an eyebrow, urging him up
Take it or leave it. This isn't a
Fifty, and you've got your man.
Patrick walks away with a smile
EXT. FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY
Kat and the rest of the team go through a grueling practice
session. Kat spares no one as she whips the ball all over
Patrick sits on the bleachers nearby, watching. A cigarette
dangles from his mouth. His pal, SCURVY is next to him.
MR. CHAPIN, the coach, blows the WHISTLE.
Good run, Stratford.
Kat nods in response, and the girls leave the field. Patrick
hops down to follow.
Kat stops and turns slowly to look at him.
I mean Wo-man. How ya doin'?
Sweating like a pig, actually. And
There's a way to get a guy's attention.
My mission in life.
She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.
Obviously, I've struck your fancy. So,
you see, it worked. The world makes
Patrick's eyes narrow. He steps closer.
Pick you up Friday, then
Oh, right. Friday.
PATRICK backs up a little. He uses his most seductive tone
The night I take you to places you've
never been before. And back.
Like where? The 7-Eleven on Burnside?
Do you even know my name, screwboy?
I know a lot more than that
Kat stares at him.
Doubtful. Very doubtful.
She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.
(calling after her)
You're no bargain either, sweetheart.
Scurvy appears at his side
So I guess the Jeep won't be getting a
ACROSS THE FIELD Cameron and Michael watch.
He took the bait.
STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT
Kat washes her face at the sink. Bianca appears behind her,
and attempts to twist Kat's hair into a chignon.
She wacks Bianca away.
Have you ever considered a new look? I
mean, seriously, you could have some
potential buried under all this
Kat pushes past her into the hallway.
I have the potential to smack the crap
out of you if you don't get out of my
Can you at least start wearing a bra?
Kat SLAMS her door in response.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Patrick, Scurvy and some other randoms head for the exit
SCURVY You up for a burger?
Patrick looks in his wallet. It's empty.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Kat stands at her locker, gathering her books. Patrick
appears at her side, smiling.
Kat doesn't answer
You hate me don't you?
I don't really think you warrant that
strong an emotion.
Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at
the track with me.
And why would I do that?
Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer,
you with money in your eyes, me with my
hand on your ass...
You -- covered in my vomit.
She slams her locker shut and walks away
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT
Kat emerges from a music store carrying a bag of CDs in her
teeth, and fumbling through her purse with both hands. She
finds her keys and pulls them out with a triumphant tug.
She looks up and finds Patrick sitting on the hood of her
Nice ride. Vintage fenders.
Kat takes the bag out of her mouth.
Are you following me?
I was in the laundromat. I saw your
car. Thought I'd say hi.
She gets in and starts the car.
You're not a big talker, are you?
Depends on the topic. My fenders don't
really whip me into a verbal frenzy.
She starts to pull out, and is blocked by Joey's Viper,
which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.
Joey and his groupies emerge and head for the liquor store
Hey -- do you mind?
Not at all
They continue on into the store. Kat stares at them in
Then BACKS UP
Her vintage fenders CRASH into the door of Joey's precious
Patrick watches with a delighted grin Joey races out of the
You fucking bitch!
Kat pulls forward and backs into his car again. Smiling
INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT
Walter paces as Kat sits calmly on the couch.
My insurance does not cover PMS
Then tell them I had a seizure.
Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You
I thought you were punishing me.
Why can't we agree on this?
Because you're making decisions for me.
As a parent, that's my right
So what I want doesn't matter?
You're eighteen. You don't know what
you want. You won't know until you're
forty-five and you don't have it.
I want to go to an East Coast school! I
want you to trust me to make my own
choices. I want --
Walter's BEEPER goes off
Christ! I want a night to go by that
I'm not staring a contraction in the
He walks out, leaving Kat stewing on the couch.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Patrick shuts his graffiti-encrusted locker, revealing
Joey's angry visage, glowering next to him.
When I shell out fifty, I expect
I'm on it
Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't
count as a date.
I got her under control. She just acts
crazed in public to keep up the image.
Joey sees through the bluff
Let me put it to you this way, if you
don't get any action, I don't get any
action. So get your ass on hers by the
end of the week.
Joey starts to walk off
I just upped my price
A hundred bucks a date.
Forget her sister, then.
Joey thinks for a frustrated moment, PUNCHES the locker,
then peels another fifty out of his wallet with a menacing
You better hope you're as smooth as you
think you are, Verona.
Patrick takes the money with a smile.
INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
Cameron runs a sentence past Bianca.
La copine et I 'ami? La diferance?
Bianca glares at him.
A "copine" is someone you can count on.
An "ami" is someone who makes promises
he can't keep.
Cameron closes the French book
You got something on your mind?
I counted on you to help my cause. You
and that thug are obviously failing.
Aren't we ever going on our date?
You have my word. As a gentleman
She touches his hand. He blushes at her praise and watches
her toss her hair back
How do you get your hair to look like
Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days.
And I never, ever use a blowdryer
without the diffuser attachment.
Cameron nods with interest.
You know, I read an article about that.
Bianca looks surprised.
INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
Patrick stands at the sink, washing his hands Michael and
Cameron cower in the corner, watching him.
Whatever the hell it is you're standin'
there waitin' to say.
Cameron bravely steps forward
We wanted to talk to you about the
Patrick turns toward them.
The situation is, my man Cameron here
has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.
What is it with this chick? She have
Cameron starts to object, but Michael holds up a hand.
I think I speak correctly when I say
that Cameron's love is pure. Purer than
say -- Joey Dorsey's.
Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm
just in this for the cash.
Cameron starts choking at the thought of Joey plowing his
That's where we can help you. With
So Dorsey can get the girl?
Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the
big picture. Joey's just a pawn. We set
this whole thing up so Cameron can get
Patrick smiles. He likes the idea of Joey being a pawn in
You two are gonna help me tame the wild
We're your guys.
And he means that strictly in a non-
prison-movie type of way.
Yeah -- we'll see.
He swings the door open and exits, leaving Michael and
Cameron grinning at each other.
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
CU on a party invitation as it gets handed out. "Future
Princeton Grad Bogey Lowenstein proudly presents a Saturday
night bash at his abode. Casual attire".
Michael holds the invitation up to Cameron.
This is it. A golden opportunity.
Patrick can ask Katarina to the party.
In that case, we'll need to make it a
school-wide blow out.
Will Bogey get bent?
Are you kidding? He'll piss himself
with joy. He's the ultimate kiss ass.
CAFETERIA - DAY
Michael hands a jock the party invite as they pass each
other at the trash cans.
INT. GYM CLASS - DAY
The jock calls a fellow jock
INT. MATH CLASS - DAY
Jock whispers to a cheerleader
COURTYARD - DAY
The cheerleader calls a White Rasta that she's making out
with, showing him the invite.
TRACK - DAY
The White Rasta tells a cowboy as they run laps during track
INT. SHOWERS - DAY
The cowboy Cells a Coffee Kid, as he shields his java from
the spray of the shower.
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
Joey stands ac his open locker with Bianca. The locker is
an homage to Joey's "modeling" career. Cheesy PRINT ADS of
him -- running in a field of daisies, petting a kitten, etc.
-- adorn the locker door.
Which do you like better?
INSERT - HEADSHOTS of Joey. In one, he's pouting in a white
shirt. In the other, he's pouting in a black shirt.
I think I like the white shirt
Joey nods thoughtfully.
So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's
thing on Saturday?
He gives her his best flirtatious smile
Good, 'cause I'm not gonna bother if
you won't be there.
He taps her on the nose and she giggles
INT. TUTORING ROOM
Bianca sits across from Cameron, who's transfixed, as always
Have you heard about Bogey Lowenstein's
I really, really, really wanna go, but
I can't. Not unless my sister goes.
I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem
to be goin' for him.
She's not a...
Lesbian? No. I found a picture of
Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm
pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex
So that's the kind of guy she likes?
Who knows? All I've ever heard her say
is that she'd dip before dating a guy
Cameron furiously takes notes
All right. What else is she partial
INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Patrick plays pool with some random deviant cronies.
He looks up when he hears a COMMOTION at the door. LOU the
bouncer is in the midst of throwing Michael and Cameron out.
Lou, it's okay. They're with me.
Lou looks at Patrick, surprised, then reluctantly lets our
two non-deviants pass through.
Patrick guides them to a table and sips from a beer.
What've you got for me?
I've retrieved certain pieces of
information on Miss Katarina Stratford I
think you'll find helpful.
Cameron pulls out a piece of paper.
One question before we start -- should you be drinking
alcohol when you don't have a liver?
Cameron looks up at Patrick.
Number one. She hates smokers
It's a lung cancer issue
Her favorite uncle
Dead at forty-one.
Patrick sits up
Are you telling me I'm a -
(spits the word
Just for now.
Another thing. Bianca said that Kat
likes -- pretty guys.
This is met with silence. Then:
What? You don't think I'm pretty?
Michael smacks Cameron
Okay! I wasn't sure
Cameron goes back to the list.
Okay -- Likes: Thai food, feminist
prose, and "angry, stinky girl music of
the indie-rock persuasion".
So what does that give me? I'm
supposed to buy her some noodles and a
book and sit around listening to chicks
who can't play their instruments?
Ever been to Club Skunk?
Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow
Don't make me do it, man
Assail your ears for one night.
It's her favorite band.
I also retrieved a list of her most
recent CD purchases, courtesy of
He hands it over.
Michael -- did you get this information
Michael puts a finger to his lips.
I prefer to think of it simply as an
alternative to what the law allows.
I'm likin' you guys better
He looks down at the list of CDs.
This is really music?
INT. KAT'S ROOM - NIGHT
MUSIC BLARES in a room with minimalist decor splashed with
indie rock band posters and flyers.
Kat and Mandella dance as they dress and apply make-up
Bianca enters, interrupting their fun.
Can you turn down the Screaming
Menstrual Bitches? I'm trying to study.
Kat doesn't move, so Bianca crosses to the stereo, turning
down the volume.
Don't tell me you're actually going
out? On a school night, no less.
Kat shoots her a glare
Oh my God, does this mean you're
It means that Gigglepuss is playing at
Club Skunk and we're going.
Oh, I thought you might have a date
I don't know why I'm bothering to ask,
but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's
party Saturday night?
What do you think?
I think you're a freak. I think you do
this to torture me. And I think you
She smiles sweetly and shuts the door behind her. Kat
doesn't bat an eye. She grabs her purse and opens the door
Let's hit it.
EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
A happy black and white neon skunk sprays fine mist on the
line of kids below.
INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
Kat and Mandella walk in, Mandella nervously pulling out her
fake ID. The giant, afroed bouncer, BRUCE, looks typically
(whispering to Kat)
You think this'll work?
They approach Bruce. Kat puts on her happy, shiny face
Hello! We'd like two for Gigglepuss!
Bruce looks the girls up and down.
I can count.
He looks at their IDs. Mandella gently moves Kat aside,
wearing a face that could only be described as "I AM a
Victoria's Secret model."
I'll bet you can..
She sticks out her chest and licks her lips. Bruce stares
at her deadpan and hands her back the IDs.
(all come hither)
Take it easy on the guys in there.
Mandella winks at him and sashays inside Kat: follows
behind, shaking her head.
EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
Patrick's mail truck clatters to a stop out front.
INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
Patrick walks up to Bruce, who's frisking a badly mowhawked
PIERCED EYEBROW BOY. Bruce pulls a SWITCHBLADE out of the
boy's inside pocket.
Next time, leave the Bic at home,
It's a bottle opener.
Bruce pushes him inside the club, then sees Patrick.
Verona, my man.
Always a pleasure, Brucie.
Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss
fan. Aren't they a little too pre-teen
belly-button ring for you?
Fan of a fan. You see a couple of
minors come in?
Padua girls. One tall, decent body.
The other one kinda short and
Just sent 'em through.
Patrick starts to go in
Hey -- what happened to that chick you
brought last time? The one with the
Patrick laughs and goes into the club
INT. CLUB - NIGHT
Onstage, the all-female band GIGGLEPUSS is parlaying their
bad girl sass into a ripping punk number.
Near the stage is a joyful mass of pogo-ing teens AT THE BAR
Patrick bellies up and looks around the club. Gigglepuss
finishes a song.
Hello, out there. We're Gigglepuss and
we're from Olympia.
A teenage boy in the audience takes the opportunity to
Pet my kitty!
They rev into their next song.
NEAR THE STAGE
Mandella and Kat glow with sweat. When they hear the
opening chords of the song, they look at each other and
scream with glee as they begin to dance. They couldn't be
having a better time.
AT THE BAR
Patrick signals to get the bartender's attention and looks
across the bouncing surge of the crowd. He spots Kat and
Mandella singing along.
The gleeful Kat -- dancing and looking completely at ease.
None of her usual "attitude". Patrick is transfixed. And
most definitely attracted.
NEAR THE STAGE Kat looks at Mandella.
I need agua!
She makes her way through the crowd to the bar. AT THE BAR
She made it. She signals for the bartender and as she's
waiting, looks around. She spots Patrick a few feet away
She sneaks a glance. He's staring, but this time he looks
away before she can. Despite herself, she's miffed.
The bartender arrives
What can I get you?
She looks at Patrick again. He's completely absorbed in the
band. She scowls. The bottled water arrives and she
marches off, forgetting to pay.
She walks up to Patrick.
You're not fooling anyone.
Patrick looks at her, surprised
hey. Great show, huh?
If you're planning on asking me out you might as well get it
That's what you want, isn't it?
toward the band)
Do you mind? You're sort of ruining it
Kat steams. And watches him watch the band
You're not surrounded by your usual
cloud of smoke.
The band takes a break, so they can stop yelling now
I know. I quit.
He leans back, making no attempt to hit on her. She moves
He motions toward the stage
You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill
or The Raincoats, but they're right up
You know who The Raincoats are?
Why, don't you?
She's completely taken aback. He uses the moment to his
advantage and brushes her hair back as he speaks right into